


hope

by yasi



Category: Tatort
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Canon, Tatort Saarbrücken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27470335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasi/pseuds/yasi
Summary: When Adam leaves, Leo hopes and hopes and hopes.Inspired by: Grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable haemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed. ~David Mitchell
Relationships: Leo Hölzer/Adam Schürk
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	hope

When Adam leaves, it’s sudden and without a warning. There is no explanation, only Adam’s absence. Leo is floored, doesn’t know what to do with himself. They’ve been Leo&Adam for what feels like forever that on his own Leo feels lost. Adam was his support system, his shield against the world, his best friend. Leo misses him like a part of him has been ripped away. 

But Leo is sure Adam will come back. They’d sworn to be there for each other, no matter what. Leo had paid Adam back for his friendship, had proved his loyalty by “dealing” with Adam’s abusive father. They should be happy to be rid of him. And yet, sometimes Leo finds himself wondering whether Adam is happy about what he’s done. Sure, the man had been abusive, had hurt Adam more than he’d loved him. But he still had been Adam’s dad. Adam must’ve loved him once. 

Leo shakes his head. No, Adam never had anything good to say about his father and he can’t imagine Adam mourning that man. Leo is sure Adam just needs time to deal with everything and then he’ll come back home. He’ll come back to Leo. 

Years go by and Adam still hasn’t returned. Leo sometimes visits Adam’s father. At first, it’s to make sure he hasn’t woken up. That he can’t tell what Leo and Adam had done to him. What _Leo_ had done to him. 

But as times goes on and Adam doesn’t come back, Leo’s fear changes. It becomes guilt. That Adam’s father is alive but kind of rotting in hospital. He doesn’t say anything during his visits, just sits there and looks. Tries to see if there is even the tiniest bit of conscious movement. Not that he knows what he’d do if there was. 

But mostly he just misses Adam. And Adam’s father is the last connection Leo has to him. Leo aches to see Adam, to talk to him. To tell him of everything that’s happened in his life. How it’s been hard at first. But how proud Adam would’ve been because Leo had learnt to fight back. How he’d grown up to become a policeman. But how, despite all the success he’s had in his life, he’s missed him every day. Has thought of him every day. 

But Adam is not there, and all Leo has is his hope. He hopes and hopes and hopes. And he visits Adam’s father. Sometimes he even visits Adam’s mother. But he doesn’t tell her about his visits to her husband. He knows she’d ask why. And he can’t tell her. He doesn’t know what to tell her, anyway. Definitely not the truth. It doesn’t matter that Adam is away. It is their secret. Even though Leo is the only one suffering under it. Because _Adam isn’t there!_

One day Leo wakes up and he’s done hoping. This bleeding wound that Adam has left him with is hurting Leo. He doesn’t wanna live like this anymore. He needs to move on, needs to live his own life, not this half-life, a shadow-existence. If Adam had been alive, he’d have contacted Leo. And if not Leo, at least his mum. But no one has heard from Adam in over 10 years. And now Leo needs to close that chapter of his life for good. 

He goes to visit Adam’s father again, brings flowers this time. And there, he says goodbye to Adam, to their friendship. To what might have been. Back in his car, Leo breaks down and cries and cries and cries. When he’s done, he brushes away the tear stains, takes a deep breath and starts the car. It’s time to move on from hope. 

Leo misses Adam every day, but it doesn't feel like a bleeding wound anymore. It’s slowly scrapping over, healing. Sometimes Leo wants to poke and prod at it, but he knows that way lies heartbreak, so he leaves it be. Lets himself heal. 

Not that healing from Adam’s loss helps with the guilt he feels about Adam’s father. No, that feeling festers, twists and grows. It starts to cause problems. But Leo is not sure he’ll ever be able to let go of it. 

And maybe it’s fate, but one day Adam stands in front of him at the precinct, in his own office. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at Leo from those blue eyes that had haunted Leo’s dreams and nightmares. Leo feels like he’s hallucinating, he wants to reach out and touch him. 

“Adam...” he says. It’s not a question, not an exclamation. It’s a shy but hopeful statement. And there it is again, hope. It flares up like a light gun, filling out Leo’s heart, spreading through his whole body. Leo tingles all over with hope. Because Adam is back. Finally. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
